Saba 4 April 2009 Mind Like Water 9 Comments Print This Post  Email This Post

 

I used to have this set of pj’s that I adored. I wore them for days on. They were soft blue, comfy and had pockets too! They were warm enough for bitter winter nights and cool enough for steamy summer siestas. And they made me smile like the child above. But I couldn’t say the same about others. In fact, whenever I wore those particular pyjamas, there was a specific sister, Rayan*, who would feel angry. I often got into arguments with Rayan. And it took me a long time to realize that the arguments happened more often when I wore those soft blue, comfy pj’s around her. So a couple weeks ago, I sadly let go of them. It was a hard decision and it was worth it.

Leaving the pj’s was worth it because Rayan and I had a much better relationship afterwards. The pyjamas reminded Rayan of someone she didn’t like. And because I didn’t wear them anymore, she didn’t link me to that person. Of course I can wear them when she is not around

Anchors

The pyjamas are a great example of an anchor, for Rayan. I knew that if I wanted to start an argument with that sister, I didn’t even have to breathe. I simply had to bring those soft blue pyjamas, wave them in front of her and Rayan would begin her spiel. I discovered how remarkably powerful this anchor was in changing Rayan’s state. The pyjamas had become an anchor for Rayan because it elicited intense negative emotions from the past. Intrinsically there wasn’t any defect with the pyjamas. Rayan simply chose to associate the pyjamas with a person she she didn’t like.

Negative and Positive Anchors

An anchor can be an object, scent, sound and even a movement like taping your right shoulder. It can make us enter negative and positive states. An anchor elicits a certain state and emotion either from past, vivid states, naturally occurring states or constructed state. The best anchors are the ones that come from the naturally occurring state. A negative anchor makes us feel bad or negative emotions because it is anchored to a bad experience. A positive anchor does just the opposite. It makes us feel happy because it is connected to a happy time or thing we have experienced.

Building Anchors

Making anchors is one of the most powerful and effective ways to feel happy, content, excited or serene. I’ve begun anchoring many people in my life with good intentions in sh Allah. Thus, I can pull them out of a negative state immediately. With Rayan, when I catch her laughing and smiling in our conversations, I simply tap her right shoulder with my index finger. She is usually so happy that she doesn’t notice the tap. The more I tap, the stronger the anchor becomes. After enough repetitions, she will be anchored to a happy state simply with a tap because she will have made a neurologic link between the tap and the intense emotion of laughter and happiness.

Does it work?

Why else would I share this with you? I have built anchors for myself from naturally occurring states. I have a small hair brush that I used when I was hospitalized. Upon my return, every time I saw that hairbrush, I was taken back to the hospital in an instant! I knew I had to do something because I didn’t want to get rid of the hair brush and I didn’t want to think about the hospitalization. So when I went to Toronto for my DiscoverU Life Coaching certification, I took it with me. And I made sure to use it, especially when I was excited and happy. I used it enough times to anchor the hair brush with my wonderful experiences at Toronto. Now when I look at the hair brush, I’m taken back to Toronto! Powerful!

Anchors can be used to help us. We already have many around us, many of which we are probably unaware of. So why not begin using themfor eliciting positive emotions!

Did you find this post on anchors useful? What anchors do you have in your life?

* Name/s changed to protect privacy