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I am Bipolar. Period.

I am Bipolar. Period.
 

Sarah sits in the white cozy chair, staring at the intricate designs of her therapist’s oriental carpet. “Sarah, what would you like to have happen today?” asks Dr. Ahmed. A thousand thoughts rush past her mind. She wants to spit them all out because they shriek like witches haunting her every second. But she doesn’t utter a single letter. Dr. Ahmed speaks again, “Sarah, during our last appointment, you were feeling amazing. What happened during week?” “I’m supposed to go up and down, aren’t I? I’m sick remember. You know that. I am Bipolar!” she yells.

“I am Bipolar.” Three words. Just three simple words. And if you ask me, they’re not just any three words. I can deal with the “I”. I can deal with the “Bipolar” too. But every time I see that “am” sticking it’s stubby a and m, questions burst in my head like hot bubbles in a tea kettle. And then I wonder, is it really true that someone can be Bipolar?

To answer this question, I turn to the experts. And no I’m not referring to the psychiatrists or psychologists. I am talking about the people with Bipolar. So when I ask them, “Do you have Bipolar?” “Yes, I am Bipolar” is the answer I get. And some of our readers, who have Bipolar, may wonder, “Yeah, so? I use that phrase too. I’m Bipolar. What’s the big deal? But let’s imagine a slightly different question like, “Do you have diabetes?” Would we use the same “am” and reply “Yes, I am diabetes”? Of course not! We would never say I am diabetes. It sounds ridiculous. It doesn’t make any sense. The right answer would be “I have diabetes. “We don’t say “I am diabetes” because diabetes involves our pancreas and we do not identify with our pancreas. Diabetes is a medical condition the pancreas has and doesn’t define who we are. When we think about Bipolar, we picture our mind because it’s a disorder that affects the mind. And a vast majority of us do identify with our mind. Many of us think that our mind characterizes us and that’s the reason we say “I am Bipolar.” But our mind is another organ. It’s a three-pound lump of gray matter. Hence, if I can have diabetes that affects my pancreas, I can have Bipolar which involves my brain.

Bipolar is not something I am or we are. We are magnificent human beings, splendid servants of our Creator. We are kind sisters, dear friends, eager students, inspiring teachers, sweet mothers and much more! But one thing I am certain that we are not is Bipolar. Sarah is not Bipolar either :) This little distinction between “I am Bipolar” and “I have Bipolar“ is crucial because the words we say play an important role in how we perceive ourselves. The moment we say “I am Bipolar”, we allow Bipolar to define who we are. And that can distort our perception. Yet, when we detach ourselves from that thought, we bask in freedom and realize that Bipolar is just something we have. It is an illness that we can manage and recover from. It is not our mark because we are not an illness. We can have Bipolar. But it cannot be us.

I am MorningWind, bringing the fresh breeze of recovery from mood disorders, bi idnillah.

About Saba Malik


Saba founded this blog in November 2008 to share her lessons from bipolar disorder. She holds a bachelors degree in Secondary Education from McGill University. Currently, she studies psychology at Concordia University.

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15 Comments »

  1. wow, so SO true. very deep & well-written saba!!! xoxox

    //sadia
    14 December 2008 at 12:29 pm

  2. What an amazing article, Saba!! This little two-letter word, am, really affects our perceptions of ourselves, doesn’t it? Consciously choosing the words we allow to define us truly makes a difference in who we end up becoming. How powerful is that? Thanks for helping all of us learn such an important lesson.

    //Sonia Dabboussi
    14 December 2008 at 12:49 pm

  3. Here’s another cool thought: You said that we identify with our minds, which is true. We think from our heads. The strange thing is that if someone were to ask to us to say the words “I am (add your name here),” and point to ourselves when we did that, where would we point? To our hearts, right? The “I am” actually belongs in our hearts, not in our heads, and bipolar doesn’t occur in the heart. Interesting…

    //Sonia Dabboussi
    14 December 2008 at 1:04 pm

  4. Well written Saba. Interestingly I have heard people say both; I am diabetes as well as I have diabetes. However it does not define them whereas when one says I am bipolar, it would be seen as part of their identity. I thought it goes farther then the semantics of language – its how people percieve an illness. I pray that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala put the strength in your writing to correct the perception in peoples’ mind

    //Shama
    14 December 2008 at 2:34 pm

  5. Jazak Allah for the feedback Sadia, Sonia and Shama (all three names begin with S).

    Sonia, you brought an amazing point to light. We do point to our hearts when we refer to ourselves. Shama, you are right in saying that words truly affect how people percieve an illness. Even when we are not talking about an illness, words play a vital role in our perceptions.

    There’s plenty more to come on language and transformational langauage here at MorningWind. Stay tuned!

    //Saba
    14 December 2008 at 3:05 pm

  6. Great article! Its amazing b/c it cuts through so many topics. On the psychological level, it makes a great analogy on how we perceived different conditions. On the linguistic level, it addresses what Nietzsche would call the “legislation of language” and how we are (to some degrees) prisons of the meanings we attach/ascribe to words.

    Great work! nc

    //nafay
    16 December 2008 at 1:02 pm

  7. Jazak Allah brother Nafay for the feedback. You make a wonderful point about the psychology of language. The words we speak and even think play a great role in how we percieve any given situation. For example, if use the term ‘I feel angry’ to describe many different situations, it can cause me great stress. But when I say ‘I feel peeved’ in one situation and ‘I feel frustrated’ in another and ‘I feel tired’ in yet another, I tend to feel different emotions and quite frankly they are less tense than anger.

    About the legistation and semantics of language, stay tuned for many posts on this topic! It’s a key issue and one of my favorites :) I simply adore words, their demystification and effective use.

    I enjoy all the feedback and look forward to much more! May these posts bring us benefit and recurring inspiration to run on the path of excellence.

    //Saba
    16 December 2008 at 2:06 pm

  8. Salamu Alaikum Saba:

    I’ve just entered your Blog! I haven’t read everything…but from what I read so far, I can say that it is truly amazing and it should be spread to all Muslims to benefit from it…Great work mashaAllah!

    SM

    //Saja
    18 December 2008 at 3:59 pm

  9. I love it! Sr. Saba

    Mabruk on your work May Allah grant you much success in this life and the next! An “I am” statement definitively states who you identify you are in addition to what you believe to be true and thus have accepted as such. Where the “I have” statement leads one to think of conditional situations. The statement I have bi-polar, depression, anxiety etc. can become an affirmation of control over the situation. Identifying the problem and acceptance is the first step to becoming better. It allows one to approach the condition from a standpoint of I have bi-polar but it doesn’t have me.
    I would love to be involved in what you are doing to raise awareness about Bi-polar and mental health issues in the Muslim community.

    Words are some of my favorite toys too :)

    Shine on Sister!

    Teacher~Tamara

    //Teacher~Tamara
    18 December 2008 at 5:19 pm

  10. Thanks Saja for your feedback!

    Teacher Tamara, it’s great to hear your feedback. It’s very smart when you say the I-have statements “can become an affirmation of control”. Indeed, I find that to be true. At MorningWind, we are all about mastery of our moods.

    And yes, we would love to have you on board and spread the fresh breeze of recovery and awareness regarding mood disorders and mental illness in the Muslim community! Send us an email at morningwind.recovery@gmail.com and let’s talk :)

    ps. I see we’re both in the education field. How marvelous!

    //Saba
    18 December 2008 at 11:38 pm

  11. Great point of view, Sister Saba…
    Jazakillaah…

    //Ema
    4 December 2009 at 8:51 pm

  12. Hahahaha … of course, you probably *do* know people who claim diabetes As Their Own, though: referring to it as “My Diabetes” … or “My Depression” or “My Headache.”

    Good grief: why does it get beyond “diabetes” or “having diabetes” or “a headache,” or *having* a headache.

    I can conclude only that people more readily identify with the suffering they endure than with their beingness.

    Then, too, I don’t think most people identify with their thoughts, but rather with their beliefs — and granted, a lot of people don’t bother to distinguish.

    //f
    2 April 2011 at 7:23 pm

  13. Assalam alaikum Saba,

    I want to ask you, as a Bipolar, how much to its length that we have to follow our religion Islam as our deen ? Religion it self should be able to find solutions for the Bipolar as religion is the cure. Do we have to follow the early followers of Islam or called Salafy if it has the purest teaching of Islam ? since we are Bipolar we may find difficulties to follow them. Thaks..

    //Fikri
    14 April 2011 at 9:41 am

  14. I really liked the article and it made me think about what bipolar “disorder” is to people with it like myself :)

    So here it goes, I am bipolar but I don’t believe its an illness. I believe Bipolar is a gift from Allah if we know how to manage it wisely. For me bipolar is almost like another adjective used to describe oneself. There is nothing wrong with the way we see the world at all infact, we just see both sides of reality. I believe if people don’t want to take their medication for bipolar they shouldn’t be forced to do so. A part of my personality lies in my bipolar and it may seem like a delusion to some but for me its my reality and I live with it everyday 24/7 whether I like it or not. I am Bipolar.

    //mohammed
    9 September 2011 at 10:34 pm

  15. Well Mohammed I agree with some of what your saying but Bipolar is still described as an illness because most of the time it is unmanageable without the help of medicine and or some form of therapy. It sounds like right now your suffering from a manic high and think you can handle life without the medication and so can others if they choose. The problem is people suffering from this illness at some time or another think they can live life without them just through behavioral/spiritual guidance alone. I’m not saying that these are not good methods themselves but need to also be supplemented by taking your Medication and seeking guidance from Allah as much as possible. Hence Mohammed your are not “Bipolar” like you say you are. Instead you have Bipolar and shouldn’t make light of the issue.

    //skyface
    14 September 2011 at 8:12 am

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