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Me, Bipolar, and Ramadan.

Me, Bipolar, and Ramadan.
Image by bint Elmi

As a muslimah, Ramadan has always been something I look forward to every year. You feel your connection with Allah , and all the rest of the fasting Ummah so much more at that time.

When I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, I had already been having a hard time going up, and down with my moods. Plus I was having severe panic anxiety disorder also.

I have been through many medication changes over the last few years. Taking medication is a hard thing to do, but it is a neccesary one. It becomes even harder when Ramadan comes though. I would love to be able to fast, but because of the meds, and times for taking them, I’m not able to fast.

InshaAllah I pray to Allah to be able to get the reward for the intention of fasting even though I am not able to.

What I do always try to do in Ramadan to keep my Eman up is to read at least one Juz of Qur’an every day, and more if possible. I listen to Islamic lectures, and also recieve good Islamic reminders by email from other Muslimahs. I also make sure to pray taraweeh every night.

If the opportunity arises, it is really good to host a dinner for other fasting Muslims to be able to get some of the reward. If I feel that I can’t do this personally because of stress, then I take an opportunity to sponsor an iftar dinner at the masjid. SubhanAllah there are so many ways Allah gives us to earn rewards, and erase sins!

Ramdan is a very special month for us because it’s full of blessings. I don’t want to miss out on those even though I cannot fast. Allah gives us many ways to earn blessings, so make sure you take advantage of this sacred month.

(Image courtesy of bint Elmi)

Be sure to leave me your comments below and share this post.

About Tehenita


Tehenita was formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder around 4 years ago, but has felt it's affects for many years. She is very thankful to Allah for bringing her to Islam long before that. Islam has been the most stabilizing thing in her life. She believes in first relying on Allah, and then using the things He has given us like medical advise and medicines to treat our disease. Words of wisdom from Tehenita: "Never lose hope, you can live well even with bipolar disorder." Contact: tehenita@morningwind.org

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12 Comments »

  1. Subhanallah I can only imagine what it must be like to not be able to fast. May Allah reward you for the intention, ameen. My mother takes her meds during suhoor and right after iftar. But the meds were always taken in the morning and evening alhamdulillah, so it wasn’t really an issue. Keep up the posts sister.

    //TR
    20 August 2010 at 9:22 pm

  2. Asalaam u alaikum TR, Alhamdulillah I’m really happy that your mother is able to fast. May Allah make it easy for her. Jazakee Allahu khairun for your comment.
    Tehenita

    //tehenita
    22 August 2010 at 12:15 pm

  3. I remember not fasting last Ramadan because I was mad at Allah for giving me such a illness which made my life a living hell. A year later, I feel blessed for having bipolar because it made me a stronger person.I am looking forward for this Ramadan, even how weak I feel with my meds, I still want to fast because this time I’m doing it for someone who never gave up on me.

    //sherri
    8 July 2011 at 4:24 pm

  4. Sherri,

    I really happy to hear that you still want to fast this Ramadan.

    Geting mad at Allah is silly. Our actions can’t hurt him one bit. He is Allah after all, the Lord of the Heavens and the Earth. And no good deed we do can increase His already Infinite Glory. Likewise, no sin can decrease His infinite Majesty.

    He is Allah subhanahu ta’ala.

    I’m also going to give fasting a shot this year. Make du’a that it goes well.

    //Saba
    14 July 2011 at 6:07 pm

  5. Hello sister. I too am bipolar and reading through your blog is as if you are talking about me. I have horrible mood problems, but also coupled with ADD and several anxiety disorders.

    My life normally with only college is very hard to handle. I tried working and I broke down. I can only focus on one thing at a time. I fasted pretty much from the age of puberty till 22. I had a horrible manic breakdown before Ramadhan 3 years ago and that is when I saw the links. The previous manic episodes, they were always caused around the end or right after Ramadhan. I then read around and saw links of it messing with your mood issues.

    You are one of the first people I’ve encountered who also doesn’t fast due to BP. When I’m not fighting BP I am off fighting my anxieties (OCD, GAD, SAD)and ADD. Prayer is an incredibly difficult act due to the anxiety. I have to constantly repeat again and again because I forgot or can’t concentrate. I can’t even read the quran without second-guessing myself, but I feel true intensity and connection when I listen to the quran and read it’s meaning. It brings tears to my eyes.

    My doctor said no to fasting and I am way to afraid to consult a mufti because of the SAD (I can’t even step into a mosque unless its absolutely empty)

    Anyway, I’m just throwing that out there, maybe you have some advice. I still feel guilty I don’t fast, but I’m relieved I have tremendously decreased my manic episodes in the years past (summer intensifies things)

    //Amin
    21 July 2011 at 8:58 am

  6. I am also bipolar diagnosed since 1996, I haven’t missed my fasting in ramadhan month, not even once because of my illness except for menstruation. I don’t know what will happen if mania took place during ramadhan. However during mania/hypomania I was able to finish my fasting(not in ramadhan) even though got warded, I refused to break my fast because of medications and the nurses didn’t force me to break my fast.I took medications during sahur and ifthar. 5 times prayer, I never missed them except when I was on very high dose of medications during mania in the ward and in subconscious level.I never missed prayer when fully conscious.I hope that I can have correspondence with other bipolar muslim.

    //jamozey
    27 July 2011 at 1:35 am

  7. Jamozey,

    That sounds great! Ma sha Allah you were able to fast during Ramadan and even when you were taking medications.

    Not every Muslim with bipolar is able to do that. So I admire your strength. I’ll keep saying ma sha Allah because I’m jealous in a good way :)

    And there are lots of bipolar Muslims here that you can correspond with. Just read around the comments and see for yourself.

    //Saba
    1 August 2011 at 9:37 pm

  8. Amin,

    “…reading through your blog is as if you are talking about me.” I am talking to you :) because I’ve know how you feel.

    I can only focus on one thing at a time too. That is actually a habit of successful people.

    I also started getting manic around and after Ramadan.

    Keep up the prayer despite the anxiety and ADD. Allah’s reward is always near. He hears the prayer of every suppliant.

    No need for guilt. There is sadness when we learn that we can’t fast. We miss the sweetness. What I try to do is increase my different good deeds during Ramadan like the riveting reminder series I am doing…

    //Saba
    1 August 2011 at 9:44 pm

  9. Salaam brothers and sisters,
    I happened to find this website on accident, searching the web for inspiration for my Bipolar, depression, ADD… Reading your comments has helped me gain new strength in myself. As seeing other Muslims struggling with depression and Anxiety, I know that Allah will never burden us more than what we can take. I wanna just say, that if your suffering from depression or anything else, just have fait in god and have patience. Patience is the most important thing. Allah said that there’s a cure for every problem, just because we haven’t found one yet, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a cure. Inshallah we’ll get through this.

    //Omar
    7 August 2011 at 8:05 pm

  10. Salam alykum brothers and sisters,
    I am so relieved to know that there are muslim bipolar brothers and sisters. I did ramadan for four years, but this year I could not do it because I found out that my illness becomes severe after ramadan. I also take three types of medication: solian;lamictal and lorazepam. the doctor advised me not to do ramadan and now I take his advise seriously. I always do my five daily prayers, except for the time of fajr, which I do when I get up after sunrise, may Allah forgive me. I tried a few days to get up at fajr prayer, but I felt ill and very tired. It seems that I need adequate hours of sleep to feel better. I constantly give charity to my kins and to the orphans to make up for my fajr prayer and ramadan. I get depression, anxiety, and fear of social situations. I used to think Allah was punishing me for sins I commited, but now I trust that Allah has afflicted me so that I praise his name and be a good muslim.

    //jamal Akhzam
    8 August 2011 at 12:08 pm

  11. Saba, reading through your blog is like reconnecting with my dear old friend even though we’re far from each other. Your warmth and hospitality has not been forgotten. May Allah shower his mercy and blessings on you and your family. Ameen.

    //Ify
    20 August 2011 at 10:40 pm

  12. Assalaum Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allah wa Barakatuh,

    I am so happy to have found this forum.. I thought I was the only one and guilt had become my companion.

    I’ve done my best this Ramadan but I missed few days due to menses and extreme mood swings, I’ve been crying everyday with depression and mood swings. When I fast I can’t eat anything during Iftar and Suhur, I was born with a weak stomach and have digestive problems.

    I also find it hard to sleep and I wake up for Fajr and read the Holy Qu’ran everyday and make Dua. Not sleeping well affects me greatly, the fact that I can barely eat adds to my unstable condition, sometimes I vomit just after Fajr prayer and after 4 or 5 days fast I eat 1 or 2 days to balance myself and I feel so guilty and ashamed, I prostrate and cry to Allah hoping he will forgive me because I can’t forgive myself. It’s really hard because I am on my own and only Allah can tell if I doing my best. I’m afraid of fainting and no one ever checks on me except my brother who lives in the US and calls me on Saturdays.

    From puberty until 22 years of age I too never missed a day of Ramadan but some bad things happened and was diagnosed with PTSD/anxiety/panic attacks/hyper vigilance/OCD/SAD/self harm/fear of people….
    I had therapy & counseling and was told that I was clinically depressed and suffered from severe PTSD and that I’d become completely disconnected from myself; I was unable to describe how I felt about myself, I became absent and completely detached from my own feelings, I became a Robot. They told me I required years of therapy and medication to help with mood swings, anxiety and depression and my life will never be the same again. I refused the meds and went on a self-discovery journey which lasted years, during which I was lost and many things happened (more bad than good) but I knew that in order to feel my soul again I had to throw myself in every experience life would throw at me and I did.
    I couldn’t fast or pray regularly because I didn’t want to be a hypocrite, I hardly read the Qu’ran but I spoke to Allah now & then from my heart. I was so angry, I couldn’t understand why me.

    This year I found myself speaking to Allah more frequently, asking him to help me because the pain was unbearable and I wished he could end my life even though I felt he was not pleased with me. I told Allah I needed his guidance and his love and I think he heard me. I asked him why he let those things happened to me when I was his devoted slave.

    Next day, I did a random search on the computer and an article about Islam and Psychotherapy and how Allah creator of all things is the only healer to those who believe (I’ve always believed even when I wasn’t fully aware, I carried guilt like a needle in my heart). Then it struck me, the answer was always there right in front of me, I performed Wud’u and started praying and slowly I begun to feel a connection with my heart & soul.
    http://ifew.com/insight/14038rch/transpsy.htm

    I did further research on Islam and its views on Depression, anxiety, PTSD…etc and slowly I begun to feel like a veil was being lifted from my eyes and soul, I wasn’t afraid of the dark anymore. Wonderful feeling sisters, after each prayer I felt I was getting closer to something beautiful.

    http://zulander.wordpress.com/2010/02/17/beautiful-dua-part-1-anxiety-and-sorrow/

    Still, it’s not easy and change happen slowly. So I’ve been taking each day as it comes, thanks to Allah my Salat is becoming dearer and dearer to me and Qu’ran a little clearer than it used to, I feel so lucky to have a free communication line with Allah my savior, my counselor, my everything… (Therapy was expensive and a major head mess.. I hated each time a shrink told me it could take years or forever to be normal again…. Well Allah can do it in a nanosecond if he wills it). These days when I cry I let it come out knowing that Allah will soon take all my burden and sorrows away. And I pray to be able to make up for days I didn’t or couldn’t fast.

    I also know that for people like us guilt can feel so big and heavy because of our mental/psychological & emotional disposition. We have become prone to feeling & thinking negatively about ourselves and the feelings multiply when we fail to perform our duties towards Allah.. (we are like punishers & executioners of our own souls)

    I pray to Almighty Allah S.W.T. to help us shed the darkness in our mind, hearts, spirits & souls. Sisters I truly believe our illness is a test and I praise the ones that fast despite their conditions. Some conditions are harder than others and we all have different endurance & pain threshold. “La yuhamillu Allah A’Nafs illa wousaaha”.

    As long as we remember what Allah told us: “Fa inna ma’al ‘usri yusraInna ma’al ‘usri yusra” Verily, along with every hardship is relief
    Verily, along with every hardship is relief (Surat Insyirah 5-6)” (Allah SWT is so great he repeated yusra/relief twice).

    And “Allah Kareem, yumhil wala yuhmil”.

    We all know that during fast our spirituality increases and people with mood swings, anxiety, panic attacks..etc can become scared, panic even more and basically freak out and loose temper. Certain Meds are required to balance up the serotonin in the brain. There are some specific Dua that help with anxiety and feelings of helplessness, I put them on my cell with reminder. Here is one:

    اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي عَبْدُكَ وَابْنُ عَبْدِكَ وَابْنُ أَمَتِكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَدِكَ مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤُكَ أَسْأَلُكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أَوْ أَنْزَلْتَهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ أَوْ عَلَّمْتَهُ أَحَدًا مِنْ خَلْقِكَ أَوْ اسْتَأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الْغَيْبِ عِنْدَكَ أَنْ تَجْعَلَ الْقُرْآنَ رَبِيعَ قَلْبِي وَنُورَ صَدْرِي وَجِلَاءَ حُزْنِي وَذَهَابَ هَمِّي

    Allaahumma innii ‘abduka wabnu ‘abdika wabnu amatik, naashiyatii biyadik, maadlin fiyya hukmuk, ‘adlun fiyya qadlaa’uk, as-aluka bikullismin huwa laka, sammaita bihi nafsaka, au anzaltahuu fii kitaabika, au ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika, awis ta’tsarta bihii fii ‘ilmil ghaibi ‘indaka, an taj’alal Qur’aana rabii’a qalbii wanuura shadrii wajalaa’a huzni wa dzahaaba hammii

    Allah is watching us and our intentions are more important to him than our actions.

    Wa Salamu Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allahi Taala wa Barakatuh.

    //Mouna
    29 August 2011 at 12:10 pm

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