Saba Malik 13 February 2010 Heart Like Heaven 4 Comments Print This Post  Email This Post

Image by doc18/Flickr.com

Many of my blog posts, if not all are the sweet candy I find in sticky situations.

But this marriage issue still has me stuck.

So I did a lil thought experiment by asking:

Would I marry someone with a mental illness?

And what I wanted to record was my initial answer…not the well-planned sweet answer.

So when asked: would I want somebody with Bipolar, my answer was a quick straight-up No!

If I have this discrimination, could other people have it too? Yeah, probably.

But does that make us bad people?

No. I think it just highlights a challenge in our thinking.

The problem with my discriminatory “No” answer above is that it reflects a ‘should’ world  instead of the real one. “My husband should never have to see a psychologist.” “My child should never have to take meds for life.” “My mom should never have to go to the hospital.”

When I was younger and crazy about the Butterfly Princess Barbie, I wasn’t satisfied with one from the yard sale. I wanted a new one with shiny plastic eyes. Interestingly, I also wanted plastic perfect people, parents and partner.

Now I’m getting out of the ‘shoulds’ to what is because the only true perfection is in Allah and His plan for you and I.

I used to want perfect people. The real problem was I wanted a perfect Saba. I didn’t want a brain with Bipolar.

But now as I accept myself for who I am and not scrutinizing myself for what I have, it’s easier to wake up in the morning sans suicidal thoughts.

Many Muslims see a person with mental illness as dis-abled.

But excuse me while I put on my naive rosy glasses and ignore the ‘dis’ part. I’m quite happy focusing on the “able.”

If Bipolar ‘dis-ables’ from seeing the normal then it has definitely given me an abnormal sense of gratitude for the beautiful people Allah blessed me with.

Looking at my “able” side has taught me to live with my Bipolar brain and is teaching me to take the focus away from person’s psychosis to their personality.

What has your illness or distressing condition “abled“ you to do?

So yes, once upon a time I did have this desperateness to find the perfect person to accept me for who I am. Then the desperateness morphed into depression until I accepted myself, Bipolar and all.

The depression has now blossomed into a desire to support my distressed sisters.

And you might think I’m being all altruistic through this desire but I secretly do it for myself as it gives me a worthy reason to get out of bed every morning.

So would I mix marriage and mental illness?

I’d love to be in Jannah tul-Firdows with someone as nutty as me

ps. I don’t mean ‘nut’ in a bad way. I like to poke fun at my occasional insanity otherwise I leave the job to others.